Life Inertia

A few people know that I sometimes battle with some mild depression. Sometimes I just slide into a state of being where I have a lot of anxiety and my mood goes super low for a few days or weeks. I always manage to come out of it for a while, but it sucks. I've been struggling there for most of February. One thing it does tend to do is cause me to do a lot of introspection and reevaluating of priorities.

One of the things I've kinda figured out is that I'm struggling against what I can only describe as life inertia. You set yourself on this path in life by making various decisions and pursuing different goals. And like a boulder rolling down a hill, you build up inertia. But then when you want to change course, trying to steer that boulder into another direction feels impossible. Even more so, when you and your partner are a pair of boulders rolling down the hill together.

I had a whole post planned out about the specifics. How I'm trying to morph my career from a successful web developer into making games. How I'm working so hard to get myself back on a healthy track, both financially and physically.  And about how much I dislike living in New England and the internal conflict that causes. But I don't think I'm going to go much into detail right now. Mostly I can't find a way to phrase it all that doesn't sound like whining or doesn't turn into an essay length diatribe.

I'm going to Game Developers Conference next week. I'm hoping that spending a week immersed in the world which I really want to break into will be the impetus I need to push myself harder. I'm making better choices with my money and with my health. And I have Dani helping me along the way. As for being stuck in Somerville... ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

So I guess all I can do for now is continue to nudge that rolling boulder and hope that eventually it will shift.